I am grateful for the grace of forgiveness.

I am grateful that my less than stellar moments are forgiven by those who love me, and they choose to see my gifts rather than dwell on my shortcomings. This act gives me hope and the ability to forgive myself so I can strive to do better the next time I am faced with a frustration.

I am grateful that I forgive and see those I love how they want to be seen. I believe that we help each other be who we really are when we forgive and see past each other’s shortcomings; and when we look at the beauty that we all possess.

I am grateful that I am a work in progress, and that the grace of forgiveness—of others and of myself—becomes easier each time I forgive.

Happy Thanksgiving and the Grace of Forgiving

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• Write your “good riddance” down by writing statements that start with “I don’t want ____ .” Jot down a few more specifics statements with the same beginning so you are very clear about what is the root of what you want banished from your existence.
  • Here is an example of how to rid the annoying car from your life.
    •  I don’t want to hear the loud car driving by at 6:00 am anymore.
    •  I don’t want to wake up to rumbling every morning.
    •  I don’t want to feel irritated first thing when I wake.
• Then write the opposite, which is what you do want.
  • Here’s my example using the muffler car:
    • I want the neighbor to fix their muffler.
    •  I want to smell the aroma of the coffee beans that I’m grinding as my neighbor drives by.
    •  I want to see my neighbor driving a new car.
    • I want to wake up peaceful every morning and at 6:00 am.
• Here is my new intention for the neighbor’s car, and written it in words that convey I already have it:
  • Mornings are peaceful and filled with sounds, smells, sights, and tastes that I love.

Notice that the intention is all about what I really want, without mention of the car.

Since I’m the neighbor who HAD the car with perpetual muffler problem, I’m glad to share the car was beamed out of my life. However, Scottie played no role in my car’s good riddance. I’m not sure if the neighbors set any intentions about my car, but I set a few of my own.

Here is an important “good riddance” of mine that I’ve just set:

I don’t want to interrupt people anymore.

• I don’t want to believe that I know what they are going to say.
• I don’t want to act as if my story is more interesting or important than others.
• I don’t want to be a poor listener.

I want to:

• I want to listen to the speaker with undivided attention.
• I want to wait to tell my story until the speaker is finished with their story.

• I want to be known for being a courteous listener.
• I want to be open to learn from what people share with me.
• I want to listen more and talk less.

I’ve set my new intention:

• I am a patient and attentive listener, always interested and grateful for the information and stories people share with me.

Use this “Good Riddance” method to set intentions of what you want and share what it is.

What would you love to rid from your life?

Please share your good riddance.

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We stopped exchanging gifts a few years ago. The reason is convoluted and the idea behind it was to make Christmas easier and more meaningful. I’m not sure what the verdict is on refraining from gift giving; a success or not. I know that I enjoyed being in Duluth in mid December just watching people Christmas shop while I shopped for the usual stuff that sends me to Duluth on a shopping expedition any time of the year. I bought no presents.

I did decide to make some cookies that I made years ago at Christmastime. They were traditional only to our family, so I hoped they’d be special. I wrapped the cookies with great care and mailed them off to three family members including my daughter and her boyfriend. Then I waited to hear from them. I called and warned them that I sent a package and to keep their expectations low.

I waited to hear back from them; I expected them to call. And when I didn’t get the call from my daughter I was upset and left a message demanding a return call.

She had called while the cookies were in transit to get her brother’s mailing address, and she let slip she was sending a box of gifts to him and to us. She bought gifts for her brother, her sister-in-law, her dad and me knowing full well that she wasn’t going to get any gifts in return. Kate gave in truest of holiday spirits; she gave without expectation of anything in return.

It not only makes me extremely proud, it humbles me. My daughter’s actions reminded me of the spirit I remember having as a child when I made goofy little paper craft gifts for everyone in my family. I wanted all of them to know how much I loved them. At the time writing a little note on colored paper stars telling them I loved them was all that I could make. It was my gift.

My daughter’s gifts this Christmas and the thoughts behind them inspired my 2011 intention that tops my list. This year, and for the rest of my life, I intend to give without any expectations. I intend to give for the sheer pleasure that doing something thoughtful for another will bring to them. My gifts, from a little note to comfy snuggle throw blanket, I will give without any expectations of anything in return.

What are your intentions for this year? What are the holidays epiphanies that you’d like to share?

We have much more control than we think we do. We do get to choose our thoughts. We can choose to allow negative comments to seep into our soul and bring us down into an abyss. Or we can choose to use those negative comments to spring board our thoughts to what we really want.

I’ve just been reminded that I haven’t been contributing the same amount of money (and benefits) to our household budget as I was prior to leaving my stable yet crazy making job. That punched me in my gut. I could go there and fret until I activate my search for a replacement job that provides similar income.

Or I can choose to remember how happy I am to pick up small projects, coach amazing people, be a terrific server at a terrific restaurant, and write and follow my bliss that’s uncovering my path to published author status. Does that sound a little Polly Anna? Yes, it does, and that’s perfect for me.

The mind set of getting in a new stable job fits the definition of insanity. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I am less comfortable today monetarily than I was two years ago, but I am happier than I’ve been since childhood. I appreciate all that I do have, and opportunities are unfolding before me. I know that my greater purpose in life is beginning to expose itself, and with it will come financial rewards so much greater than I ever could imagine. I know that when I am honoring my values and being authentic, everything I want will unfold in front of me perfectly.

So what does this have to do with a remote control? I know a man who is addicted to anger and every time I talk to him he reverts to the same three subjects, one goes back 35 years. We’ll be talking and out of the blue he’ll change the channel to one of those subjects that fill him with anger. I spent too much time engaged in his angry conversations where I’ve tried to change him; to make him see his subjects from different perspectives.

I finally changed me. I finally figured out to do just what he does and change the subject. I now change the channel to a subject that produces neutral or positive emotions for both of us. These days, instead of every phone conversation or visit ending in an argument, we are amicable instead of angry with each other.

From his expert example he has taught me where my remote control permanently resides. It is in my mind and it never gets lost under the couch cushions. My remote control allows me to mute thoughts that do not serve my wellbeing, to channel up or down to tune in a station airing programs (i.e. thoughts) that enhance my life. With my remote I turn the TV off to sleep or meditate and allow peace and inspired thoughts to seep into my consciousness.

I use my remote control to choose the subjects that I wish to dwell on. There are times when my mind uses the fast backward button and lands on a subject that returns me to angst, fear or discomfort. That’s when I use the fast forward button to bring me up to a station I choose; one that reminds me of what successes I’ve achieved and joys I’m living.

I always hold the remote. I can choose a channel where I am being grateful or a channel where I’m dreaming and scheming about things I’ll manifest. When I find the perfect channel, I volume up and saturate myself with what is great in my life and what great things are on the way.

This has been a life-long lesson that I’m finally mastering . . . at age 50! But I’m appreciative of the fact that I’m mastering it at age 50. I have a much older family member who has never been able to appreciate contrast and differences between him and others. I’ve finally accepted this and stopped trying to change him; I’ve changed me. How? Acceptance. And by changing the subject to those that we either agree on or see more similarly. I don’t discuss those subjects we’ll just never agree on and stopped arguing with him. Now, my gratitude for him feels real and much less like work.

I believe that the more gratitude that a person feels the quicker what they’ll manifest their desires. But fake gratitude is work.

I found myself saying “I’m thankful for the new buyers of the property” that I have for sale, although not really feeling gratitude for them. But if I didn’t state my gratitude I feared I’d never attract the buyers. I feared! And by saying gratitude’s, I was doing the right thing to manifest them to buy the property. Did you catch the word “doing” in the last sentence? Ta DA! I’m doing, not being. I’m saying how grateful I am for the new buyer, thereby doing something to bring the buyer about out of fear that if I don’t do this or something else they’ll never come. Doing gratitude’s is not being grateful.

When I’m feel appreciative for having this property to sell, I’m being grateful. I’m being in the moment and feel that the buyers are going to totally love it as much as we have, that selling it will be easy, fun, fast and, especially, good for all of us; as past property transactions have been.

So when you are going through the rote motions of saying gratitude’s but not feeling tingly and good inside (i.e. grateful and appreciative), look to find out how you really feel. In recognizing your true feelings you can face them and find out why you feel this way. From there you can discover what you do feel gratitude about, even if it’s recognizing fear. By facing this fear you can find gratitude, if for nothing else than for the contrast it is from what you want.

One of my favorite quotes is “Worrying is just praying for what you don’t want.” We only worry if we have fear. I believe that our fears keep those things we don’t want coming, while gratitude brings what we want or something better.

Knowing this skit is a parody, let your imagination go wild and think of two wise words you would dole out when your guidance is sought. Do your two words lean towards humor, compassion, disapproval or somewhere else in the entire spectrum? Are they the same two words you tell yourself?

I have been saying a few words for awhile. I introspectively say them when I discover that I am panicked over the ever growing list of things we need to get done before the snow flies; when I’m frustrated that I have not written in sooooo long; when I’m stuck listening to my inner critique (I mean stuck because I don’t remember how to silence her) or when I’m laying wide awake and arguing with myself over getting out of bed to bang a few words out on the computer. Instead I pull the covers over my head, squeeze my eyes shut and hope the warm bedding will lull me back to sleep. And then I catch myself disappointed about my wasted opportunities and force myself to face my few words: Be in Choice.

In each moment I have the freedom to “Be in Choice.” And you do, too. But I chose panic, frustration and disappointment over a horde of other possible choices; way too many to mention. In these instances, I chose poorly.

Today I started the day cooking lunch in preparation for the wood splitting chore we do annually. It is back straining work. With the mountain of wood we had bucked up from a fierce wind storm, the rain forecasted was irritating. With all the other inconveniences that I imagined possible, I could have had a bummer of a day.

I am not sure when, but I changed my thinking and realized how fortunate am I to have so much fire wood to heat the house this winter; and that after today our last “beat the snow” chore would be done. So I chose to go into today so grateful for whatever we got done and to enjoy each moment along the way.

How did it turn out? You decided.

I got an incredible outdoor workout while being happily productive; broke for a few minutes and indulged in a sugar and caffeine buzz; worked out a few more hours knowing I soon would be set for winter; had a great lunch; spent the afternoon with the amazing friend who helped us split the wood; played music and danced and did yoga undisturbed while the splitter was being returned; walked hand in hand singing in the rain while singing “Singing in the Rain” (no kiddin’); and got rained on in our hot tub that was enclosed in ground fog rolling in and out exposing drenched conifer greens, understory sienna and burnt leaf rusts of the forest. Walking hand in hand back from the hot tub I wondered out loud if it got any better than this. Tim concurred in his reply, “Live each moment.”

Do you think they are his few words? Put together, our few words have great synchronicity.

Be in choice. Live each moment.

Remember Bob Newhart? He started this with two words delivering an astute message entwined in comedic genius. Now, I’m still not telling you what they are. But as you laugh watching this skit, see if you think his words are just a quicker (albeit harsh) way to say the same thing: “Be in choice; live each moment.”

Do you have words that your “wise self” tells your “inner critique” when you recognize your perspective is dismal? Please share any comments or experiences that you have had where you have chosen grateful over gloomy. Or, in retrospect, you wished you had.

I am curious what this stirs in you.

See the skit at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE

Make sure to come back and post your reaction.

Be in choice. Live each moment. Or strained your back, get drenched, fogged in and have a bummer day.

Last night, while speaking to two coaching friends whose children recently started school, I reminisced about things our children did and how I responded. Sometimes I was not very proud of how dealt with their disagreements, sometimes I felt proud but once I felt like a genius.

Anyone who has been around kids has most likely been put into the position of judge, jury and bailiff at some time. It starts by breaking up a fight between them, providing refuge for one or monitoring incessant bickering between them until you step in. Court was in session and Judge Berta resided. I found myself listening to each child plead their case.

“He hit me!”

“Why did you hit her?”

“She bit me!”

“Why did you bite him?” And so on it went until I unraveled the path back to them playing peacefully.

My stroke of genius came when I was fed up with the scenario, listened to my intuition and stopped both plaintiff and defendant. I said, “All you are allowed to tell me is what you did wrong and what you could have done different to prevent this from developing into this fight.”

Frozen! They momentarily were wide eyed and completely at a loss at how to respond. So I continued, “OK, you both will get a chance to talk and you will have to listen, saying nothing until your turn to speak.” I started with my oldest and he quickly went back to the pattern of listing all his sister’s offences on him. I reminded him, “You are not allowed to tell me what she did to you. You are only allowed to tell me what you did and what you could have done different.”

It took a several reminders of the new rules before each got the hang of it, and some volunteering of other options from me for ideas of how they could have chosen different responses to de-escalate the tensions. “What could you have said instead of grabbing/stealing/biting/hitting?” “Could you walk away, find something else to do or play with?”

In retrospect I now realize I was practicing coaching not law. I was brainstorming with them for options and letting them chose what felt right to them. This began our new paradigm for conflict resolution.

This also began our new paradigm for telling a new story. Law of Attraction teaches us to tell a new story to attract those things in our life that we want different. The “I’ll bite your hand if you grab that out of mine” response created fighting and court sessions. The “If you ask for it I will give it to you” response created peace seeking resolutions. By helping my children become accountable for their own actions and make peaceful choices I was helping them tell their new story of harmonious resolutions.

My term as judge ended. At the time unbeknownst to me, the Law of Attraction lesson began when all of us told our new story.

I got From Judge & Jury to Kids New Story posted at 7:01. This first blog (Hello World!) was automatically posted by WordPress when I set up my new account; and I could either delete it or edit it. I decided I needed to edit it to tell the story of how I attracted the creation of my new blog site by changing my story from “I want to set up a blog site” to “I am going to post my first blog today!”

WooHoo. Sometimes you just need to jump in with both eyes wide open and expect the best. You’ll be happily surprised at how often the best shows up.